Snoring in relationships is often joked about. But snoring can really harm a relationship, and many frustrated partners of snorers are unable to bring it up without sparking an argument.
In most cases, the snorer feels attacked, and the partner feels like they aren’t being taken seriously. While it’s tricky to do, it’s important that you talk to your partner about their snoring in a non-confrontational way. Snoring can hugely harm a relationship without either of you realising. The Snoreeze YouGov survey revealed that 14% of men and 12% of women sleep in a different room to their partner. When snoring drives one partner out of the bed, physical intimacy disappears, and resentment and anger kicks in. The non-snorer feels it’s unfair that they have to sleep on the sofa. And if their partner leaves the bed instead, the non-snorer feels abandoned.
This anger usually leads to arguments, especially if the snorer refuses to deal with their night-time noise. The snorer claims they’re being nagged, and the non-snorer feels like their spouse is being selfish. It’s a difficult situation, but there is a way to talk to your partner about the issue. And the sooner you have the conversation, the sooner you can both get a better night’s sleep.
How NOT to talk to your partner about their snoring
The worst time to have a conversation is when your partner has just woken you up with their snoring. Bringing the subject up when you’re angry won’t lead to any kind of productive chat – your partner will immediately become defensive and try to shut the conversation down.
Choose a calm, quiet time later in the day to talk to them. Remember that your partner isn’t snoring on purpose, and their snoring is probably affecting their sleep quality too, making them feel tired and irritable. They might also feel embarrassed about the issue, or unaware of just how bad the problem is.
Don’t say:
“I can’t deal with your snoring anymore!”
“You’re selfish and you don’t care if I get any sleep.”
“I’ve told you to sort this a million times already!”
Do say:
“I love you and I want you to be healthy.”
“I really miss sleeping in the same bed as you.”
“I’m worried about your health. I’ve been reading about how bad snoring can be, and I’d love to see you make an appointment with the doctor to get it checked out.”
“I’ve seen a great product that could really help. Would you be willing to try it out?”
The key is to present a solution to your partner. This gives you both something positive to focus on, and takes the pressure off them. Let your partner know that the decision is completely up to them – you’re just worried about their health and trying to improve your relationship.
People are resistant to change, so you may need to repeat this conversation at a later date. Your partner might feel uneasy about seeing a doctor, trying something new, or feeling like a “problem”. Keep your tone gentle, and remind your partner that finding a solution is a good thing for both of you. You’ll soon be on your way to bringing about the change your relationship needs.
Not sure what type of snorer your partner is? Click here to find out which category they fall into, as well as recommended products.
You can also find more help via our website Live Chat. Just click the box in the right-hand corner to instantly connect with a snoring relief expert.